Logging Out

I was at my accountability partner's house this morning for some brief "lecture." I was shocked to say the least. For the first time, I have never seen Ian raising his voice at me. I was telling him about what happened, and I sort of chuckled a little bit, and then he snapped, "Why are you laughing? That's not funny!"

My smile disappeared, and I couldn't look him in the eye (for the first time). And then he proceeded to tell me about how I should work out the details of my life.

The bottom line is, he proposed that I should get rid of my internet. He said that I should save all my files in the USB and I could go to the internet cafe for an hour for two days in a week. That way, I wouldn't miss out on anything.

It does make sense. That way, I could do what I love to do (with lots of people around me, take note) and still use the internet without sinning.

And so, guys, I'm logging out in the meantime. I have already scheduled when I would go to the internet cafe to check my mails and research on things.

Ian and I ended our session with a prayer. It was a relief and I felt a huge burden being lifted off my shoulder. God has indeed saved me from the pits.

Although I have only known Ian for less than a year, I feel that we have bonded strongly and that our friendship would last forever. I treat him as my best friend, and I think he feels the same way about me.

Salamat sa lahat, pare.

Struggling and Failing

When you're alone with only the net as company, thoughts of immense stature gradually invades your mind, as in my case when I arrived from Baguio home alone. The temptation to do satan's work was overwhelming and in my struggle, I succumbed to his wishes, not once but several times in the course of two days.

I immediately asked for forgiveness from God, and questions of doubt entered my mind. Do I really love God? Am I worthy to be called His Son? I was on the verge of crying, and my conscience wouldn't let me sleep.

I immediately talked to my dgroup leader. I told him everything, even the questions hounding my head. Ikoy silently listened and when he spoke, he dropped his words slowly, "Those questions were actually the result of your actions. It's good that you can't sleep. It only means that you realize the mistake that you made."

He had this for an advice: "If your leg makes you sin, cut it off. If your eye makes you sin, pull it out." And then he made a stunning remark: "If you can't do that, then there is really something wrong with your heart bro."

I was silent all the while. I thought about what he just said. It only means one practical thing: Unsubscribe from the internet. But being a writer, I just couldn't do that. The internet is my bread and butter. Without it, I couldn't earn! (This is actually a selfish repose. In my quest for a Godlike character, and in times like these, the need for TRUST is very crucial.)

So what am I to do?

Ikoy proposed an alternative. Create a diversion. So, I made my own blog!

This blog would show my deepest desires, deepest wishes, deepest longings for God's words. Although I still have my internet connection (obviously), it is hoped that I only need to refocus my priorities in life, and that is to be worthy to be called God's child.

This is my first post, and I hope you like it. All for the glory of the Lord!